Lord God, but I don’t want to! I want what I want, because I want it. Why surrender who I am? Do my desires not define me?! Why lose myself to another?
Besides, I know what’s good and right for me. And I have to love myself and watch out for myself, because nobody else is going to.
I can butt heads with the best of them. I know how to stand my ground. I have the best arguments.
But it’s tiring. And scary. And lonely.
Lord, help me. I admit, it’s hard to go it alone. Everybody is a potential enemy or at least an opponent to be beaten.
I can’t imagine giving up control. Letting you guide. Depending on your wisdom. Where in the world will that lead? And what if I don’t like it when I get there?
I know I’m living a fantasy. At some point, the bubble will burst. Things will escape my control. My argument will fail. My stubbornness will destroy me.
O God, I give up! I surrender! Yes, I submit to your will. Bring me peace, and joy, and love. Take it all, sweep away my shabbily built life, the shambles I have made of it.
Thank you for the promise of hope. Finally, I have something to look forward to. Finally, I can rest.
Father, in those moments when stubbornness rears its head and tries to yank the reins away, bring me back to safety.